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Stoicism, Anxiety and Chronic Illness

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” Marcus Aurelius

I’ve hated holidays, weekends and especially my birthday ever since I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at the age of 11. There were emotional, social and physical factors that caused me to dread of these cultural happy events. I still feel anxious when my family mentions going on holiday or when my brothers are planning a fishing or hunting trip. The anxiety wells up because I want to participate but I know that pain, fatigue, fear of new environments, and changes of schedule will 9 times out of 10 back out of going or if I do go I’ll not enjoy myself. That’s because the problem with being chronically ill and in constant pain is that my body and mind are the cause of my miserable state. And I’ve been miserable most of my life and especially during these so called happy times.

I used to think that my reaction to life, my anxiety and fear surrounding holidays, weekends and my birthday was a character defect. I thought that I was mentally weak because I couldn’t consistently overcome my negative thought patterns to build a life I was proud of. During these “happy times” I was always reminded about how much was missing in my life because of my chronic pain and chronically feeling like shit. I don’t have a mate, I don’t have my own place, I don’t have a social life…The don’t have list was constantly on my mind during these events or prevented me from participating all together.

The mental anxiety was warranted because I would get physically ill because of changes in my eating, drinking and resting patterns.  This coupled with the host of negative emotions of being different, worrying about passing gas through my stoma (uncontrollably) and the prospect of experiencing the humiliation of filing someone’s home with the horrific smell that only an ileostomy can produce produced near panic levels of anxiety. Needless to say I’ve not been very socially active in the past 30 years.

I’ve only been to one Christmas party in the last ten years. And I was miserable the whole time. The bathroom was in the kitchen where a lot of people were congregated, there was almost nothing I could eat there without being sick, and on top of that I was in horrific pain. The anxiety of having to dump my bag in the bathroom right beside the kitchen was horrible. So I waited as long as I could but I finally had to give in or my bag would start leaking and then I’d have to tell my brother and his family I had to go home. Ruining other people’s good time is another one of my constant fears as well. I still feel sick to my stomach when I remember the anxiety of dumping my bag there. Going to new places and being away from my home bathroom is a huge deal to me. I’ve actually developed a small kit I carry with along with useful strategies that help me feel less anxious and more in control of my ileostomy variables. (I’ll share my tips and what I carry in my small kit in later posts)

Being chronically ill actually changes the way my brain functions. It has been shown recently that the immune system (lymphatic system) is directly connected to the brain. And nuero-plasticity science pioneered by Dr. Michael Merzenich author of  the book “Soft-Wired” writes about how the brain can be rewired throughout our lives. When we focus intently on something this can strengthen connections between certain neurons and weaken connections between others. These connections are associated with learning, actions and emotions.I’ve allowed negative thoughts to become runaway mental trains that soon overtake all other thoughts while I’m sick and these have create tracks or pathways that become easier and easier to fall in to each time I indulge negative thoughts and allow anxiety to overcome me. But I know that I have the power to further rewire my brain to undo the damage and  that’s one of the reasons why I’ve been drawn to Stoicism. Stoicism is an ancient belief that teaches that we are in control of what we determine is good or bad and that having a positive peaceful mental state is the only thing that is needed for a happy life.

http://www.soft-wired.com

https://news.virginia.edu/illimitable/discovery/theyll-have-rewrite-textbooks (article on the physical connection between the immune system and the brain)

The power to rewire the human brain can have be used for positive and negative effect. Unfortunately  when I’m really sick I tend to lose the rational ability to think and focus on concepts like neuro-plasticity and I fall into old thought patterns of what scientists call “sickness behavior”. In fact its been discovered that cytokines, the chemical messengers of the immune system, can have dramatic affects on the brain. The discipline of psychoneuroimmunology studies these effects on the brain. Sickness behavior is what drives animals to be alone when ill, lose their appetite, and display other behaviors like avoidance behavior that we identify with being ill. There are definite chemical changes that happen in the brain when large amounts of cytokines are released into the blood.

http://neuroschoolrome.univ-lille1.fr/faculty/dantzer/bbimmunity07.pdf (in depth look at cytokines and their role in inducing sickness behavior)

As I’ve grown older I’ve discovered ways of overcoming or at least mediating these anxious and negative feelings. Knowledge about my condition and learning how to lesson some of the more unpleasant aspects of having an ileostomy have all been helpful. But I still have trouble with my thought patterns, staying positive, planning for the future, and being active each day consistently working toward specific goals.. Being sick and in pain separates me from “normal life”. I have to force myself to reach out to my family when I’m sick. I have to force myself to try new things and to finish projects I’ve already started. There are certain biological factors that create my “sick brain” and the physiological changes do effect my behavior and thought patterns in powerful ways. Doing everything I can to lower inflammation or lower my over active immune response is key for me to lower the physical threshold I have for living a healthier and happier life, and that includes lowering my stress response to daily life.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoneuroimmunology (good overview of this discipline that focuses on the connection between the brain and immune system)

Stoicism is an ancient belief system that developed during the Greek and Roman times. It is a philosophy that focuses on creating a peaceful internal mental state.

“You have power over your mind not outside events” Marcus Aurelius

These are some of the lessons of Stoicism I’ve learned and applied in my life:

  1. Emotions are generated from within
  2. The internal mental state is what is truly important
  3. Your thoughts are powerful and you should guard them accordingly
  4. You have the ability to label an experience good or bad
  5. Live in harmony with nature. Humans are not separate from nature.
  6. Don’t worry about the future. Now is the time to live.
  7. Failure is temporary. It is too be learned from.
  8. Adversity should be viewed as a vehicle for demonstrating virtue – patience, self-compassion, and strength.
  9. Gratitude for what we have is vitally important and creates a peaceful mind
  10. Our life is our responsibility
  11. Being a good friend is one of the best things in the world
  12. Expectations and anticipation can cause unnecessary suffering

“Expecting is the greatest impediment to living. In anticipation of tomorrow, it loses today.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

A lot of times I’ve suffered needlessly because I’ve held on to the expectation that I would live a “normal life”. I missed most of junior high and high school. My biggest relationship I have is with my pain and illness. I’ve had only one serious girlfriend and that was almost twenty years ago. I don’t have kids or have a home of my own. But I can be happy and content in the present without accepting this as fate. Stoicism doesn’t teach apathy. It teaches strength, courage, and tenacity in the face of adversity and focusing on having a peaceful unperturbed mind even though storms rage outside, or rage inside for those of us who are suffering from chronic pain and autoimmune conditions.

“The wish for healing has always been half of health.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Health was a huge concern for the Romans as it is for humans in today’s society. Seneca is one of the three pillars of the Stoic tradition and he understood the connection between the mind and body two thousand years ago. Instead of focusing on everything that is wrong with me I try more and more now to focus on the state of health I want to experience. A strong body that is free of pain and all my organs performing their function properly. This idea also foreshadows the idea of visualization which a lot of health practitioners are recommending to their patients.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/flourish/200912/seeing-is-believing-the-power-visualization

Below  is another one of my favorite quotes. All the Stoic writers were very intelligent and viewed the Stoic philosophy as a practical guide to maximizing a human’s experience on Earth while engaged in living. What I especially like about Seneca is that he participated in life. He was not monk or a priest. He acquired wealth and enjoyed the finer things in life but still he struggled with what I struggle with as well. He suffered later in life with chronic pain and even contemplated suicide. He stuck around because of his father.

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca\

This quote has helped me through some of my worst days. I don’t give myself enough credit. I’ve endured for thirty years pain, fatigue, loneliness, financial struggle, uncertainty, hospital stays, surgery, thousands of needles, countless medications and I’m still here. If you’ve endured or are still enduring with health challenges don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes just getting out of bed and showering are acts of courage. Remember your strength. You can continue to endure and even thrive in the face of adversity. That is a lesson I’ve taken to heart from the Stoics as well.

“There is nothing in the world so much admired as a man who knows how to bear unhappiness with courage.” Seneca

When I read Seneca’s letters which are the main source of the above quotes, its as if he is speaking directly to me. Stoics were interested in helping each other live a happier life through controlling one’s thinking. They could be viewed as some of the first pioneers of the self-help movement and even the hippie new age movement. I used to struggle with the fact I didn’t feel I was a part of nature. I was so flawed that I didn’t even feel “human”. This quote continues to inspire and remind me that I am “natural” no matter how many organs I’m missing or if I have to defecate into a plastic bag.

“Everything is the product of one universal creative effort. There is nothing dead in Nature. Everything is organic and living, and therefore the whole world appears to be a living organism.”  Seneca

I view Stoicism as an anti-inflammatory means of organizing my thoughts. My attitudes and beliefs determine my emotional reaction to external stimuli. I have the power to determine if what I’m experiencing is good or bad. This goes along with what Viktor Frankl wrote during his experience while imprisoned in a concentration camp during WWII.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Applying the teachings of Stoicism in my life helps me to lessen the impact emotions have over my body and mind, helps me to detach emotionally from the outcomes and to accept pain and loss as part of the price of living as a human being. Stoicism isn’t meant to turn me into a robot that has no feeling or passively accept life as it happens. Rather it helps me to experience emotions in a more productive way and that allows for a happier existence in spite of being chronically ill and in near constant pain. Being “stoic” doesn’t just mean suffering in silence. It teaches the old school values that used to be valued in society, patience, kindness, self responsibility, courage, and  having a positive attitude. But the teachings of Stoicism also do help me to endure pain, loneliness, loss, and overcome the anxiety of living chronically ill. I don’t buy into all that Stoicism has to offer. But I do believe in the taking of what is useful from any source and applying it in my own life. And Stoicism is chock full of ideas that I’ve found helpful.

http://blogs.exeter.ac.uk/stoicismtoday/what-is-stoicism/ (an excellent primer on the teachings of Stoicism)

Two thing are occurring in my brain when I feel awful. There are chemical changes and also physical changes. Reducing overall inflammation is a great way to limit my the sickness behavior response. One of the best ways for me is to reduce my anxiety and I’ve found Stoicism to be an excellent tool to do this. The mind-body connection is a powerful one and its a two way street. I have the power to choose not only what I think but also what I feel according to my attitude. Stoicism for me is a philosophy of optimism and empowerment. To this day I still struggle with anxiety. The thought of another tomorrow filled with the pain fills me with dread. But I know that I have the power to create a more peaceful internal mental world by what I focus on. Stoicism helps me to focus on positive actions I can take in the moment and to accept the things I can not change.

One of the most powerful pieces of Stoic writing for me is Seneca’s piece “On the shortness of life”. This is a youtube audio version of it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYWEAa-D5vM

Also check out Tim Ferris’ blog. This is an article on how entrepreneurs can apply Stoic lessons in their lives but I believe it also is helpful for people who are chronically ill or dealing with chronic pain as well.

http://fourhourworkweek.com/2009/04/13/stoicism-101-a-practical-guide-for-entrepreneurs/

Stoic in Training

Brad Miller

If you’ve found Stoicism or other philosophies helpful in your own life please share your experience below.

 

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Philosophy And Chronic Illness

“Sometimes even to live is an act of Courage.” Seneca

I’ve wanted to give up countless times over the past thirty years. I’ve wanted the pain and loneliness to be over. I wanted to be done with the hospitals, the doctors, wearing a bag, getting stuck, taking pills. Even though I’ve wanted to quit many times it was never for very long. I’ve always gotten back up. I credit this to my family and the ideas from the authors I’ve read during my illness. Over these last thirty years I’ve read up a lot on philosophy, self-help and neuroscience.What I’ve concluded after all this reading is that my personal philosophy affects my health more than anything else I can do or others can do for me.

I hate being sick. I hate hurting. There is no philosophy that I’ve found that explains with any logic or merit why I’m sick or what purpose it serves. I used to believe in god but that ended when I was in my twenties. My personal philosophy doesn’t seek to understand or justify or explain why I’m sick or in horrific pain. What I’ve sought out is a practical system of thinking to help me live my best life today, enjoy life more and help others around me enjoy more of life as well. I see a personal philosophy as series of ideas that inform my choices, help me set priorities, and endure in the face of overwhelming sickness and pain.

When I ran my first marathon I came across the concept of having an Internal Locus of Control which I added as a key tenet of my personal philosophy. I decided to complete a marathon after almost dying from complications from a surgery. The recovery was horrifically painful. But I decided when I was in the hospital I would compete a marathon. My intention was to reestablish the paradigm that my mind controlled my body and not the other way around. I started walking around the hospital, then when I got home I started walking around the pool and then into the neighborhood.

I had purchased the book “Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer” years before I started the training. So after the surgery I started reading it. Immediately I knew this would be one of the books that changed my life forever. It introduced me to the concept of having an Internal Locus of Control. This means that my actions determine my fate. The opposite is having an External Locus of Control meaning that external events and other people determine the course and outcome of my life. At the time my doctors and family all thought I was nuts to complete the training let alone complete a marathon. I highly recommend the book even if you never plan on completing a marathon.

https://www.amazon.com/Non-Runners-Marathon-Trainer-David-Whitsett/dp/1570281823

Seven months after almost dying I completed my first marathon, it took me five and a half hours but I finished. Those seven months of training were more about training me how to think rather than how to run. Later on in the training schedule I would use the techniques in the book to breeze through an 8 mile run after work. Look back on that now seems impossible. But at the time it was just what I did. One of the techniques I really liked was the concept of typing out on an imaginary computer positive sentences while I was running. I would imagine my fingers hitting each letter on a keyboard then it would display upon on the computer screen in my mind. I would spell out “I am strong”, “I can run all day” and “I enjoy running”. These ideas became true. Now its been almost 9 years since I completed the marathon and I haven’t ran much recently. But I have begun using this technique again to help me get my chronic pancreatitis under control.

Having a personal philosophy is vitally important to everyone but especially for those who have a chronic illness. For those who are suffering it can feel like your body, your doctors, the insurance companies and the government are in control of your life, instead of you. But that is merely a choice of how to think. Once you decide that a key part of your personal philosophy is having an Internal Locus of Control new cognitive and physical doors will begin to open. Your body responds to your thoughts I’ve not personally been able to heal myself through thinking. I know it’s not a quick fix but I do believe my thoughts have an extremely important part in healing and helping me to make choices that will lead to a fuller more fulfilling life.

A key part of my personal philosophy is that I do have an Internal Locus of Control. I have the ability to find a solution to every health issue I have and to create the life I want to live. Even if its not a full solution or so called “cure” and even if it takes years to figure it out. I will never stop improving myself and seeking to feel better. I do have the ability to finding ways to live better each day. It’s not always easy to feel like and I have my doubts somedays especially on those days when I don’t even want to get out of bed. But the underlying idea of having an Internal Locus of Control that helps me to keep getting back up after I get knocked back down, whether it’s by a bowel obstruction or a severe pancreatitis attack. I want to live. I want to experience all that life has to offer. I want to fall in love. I want to feel good. I want to feel pleasure not merely be pain free. And that desire plus the belief that my actions can change my fate are what keep me going.

My next two posts will be on the ways Stoicism and the Paleo lifestyle have shaped my personal philosophy and my relationship to my chronic pain and autoimmune diseases.

Keep taking those small steps – they add up

Brad Miller

 

Please leave a comment if you’ve found philosophy helpful in dealing with chronic illness or chronic pain.

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Encouraging Life when you’re chronically sick

My Life Force is interrupted when I am sick. When I don’t feel well my life is greatly reduced. My ability and capacity to think, act and encourage life in plants, pets and family and friends is greatly limited. Love for me is using my life to encourage, support or increase the life of another person, plant or animal.  But in order to do this I must take better care of myself. And this is where researching, planting, tending and eventually eating from the organic perennial plants in my backyard I put into dirt helps.

I always feel better when I am helping to sustain or encourage the life of another living entity.   When I’m feeling the worst its nice to know that I have plants that I have nurtured from seed or sapling in the past into  fully functioning plants. When I look out my window into the backyard and see these plants growing it helps me to visualize a future in which I once again will be able to do the same.  I have hazel nut trees, hardy kiwi vines, a tea plant, asparagus, two avocado trees, and many other types of perennial plants that have endured through my negligence of being sick over the past four months. After only a week or two of attention they are all bouncing back, minus a few.

I know I’m feeling better when I want to plant something new and be responsible for its growth. This responsibility helps me to feel productive even on days when I feel like I’m a giant drain on the world instead of being a contributor to it. My latest project is growing Tree Collard plants. Having a living thing dependent on me is scary. Consistency is something that I am constantly struggling with. But the payoffs are worth the risk. Organic produce I can share, a reason to get up even when I feel my worst, and a tangible reminder that I can impact the world in a positive way.

http://projecttreecollard.org

I’ve studied Permaculture, organic farming, with an emphasis on perennial plants and have never heard of this plant until a few weeks ago. I found out about these amazing plants while reading an article on supplements. The expert being interviewed recommended growing your own organic veggies and mentioned Tree Collards. It didn’t take me long to find the Project Tree Collard website. Their site is full of great information and video tutorials. After reviewing their site I orderdered three of them from their Amazon listing. I found out from past experience its best to start small when trying out a new plant species.

https://www.amazon.com/Tree-Collard-Cuttings-perennial-collards/dp/B01CPQVU3W

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The Tree Collard plants came as advertised and I planted them the same day in one gallon containers. I’ve had a lot of success using smart pots. My back deck is full of perrenial edibles planted in them. The Tree Coolards are looking great and already growing after a week in the dirt. In year two I should be able to harvest the leaves and enjoy organic “greens” that grow from a tree in my own backyard. The more I read about how scientists, big agriculture and the government work together to skew nutrition science the more I want to consume what I grow. This is one small step in that direction.

https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Pots-1-Gallon-Soft-Sided-Container/dp/B002JUU4AU

I love perennial plants. I think of myself as a perennial person. I am resilient and I keep coming back after not producing anything during the winters of my bouts of small bowel obstructions and pacreatitis attacks. That is why I love nut trees, asparagus and hardy vining fruits that take less inputs, are more hardy than annuals and most importantly produce for years. The Tree Collard checks all those boxes, they produce edible leaves that taste like greens and can produce for 20 years with very little attention and best of all I only have to plant them once.

Growing perennial plants helps to amplify my efforts. I have a limited gas tank and my energy levels from day to day fluctuate wildly. For me anything I can do to get the best ROE (return on energy) I do it. Perennials give me the best return on the investment of my life force I transfer into theirs. It’s a way to plant once and harvest for years or even decades. The Hazel Nut trees I’ve planted should produce for over fifty years. Their life helps to support mine and my life helps to support them. Instead of annual plants which you only plant once and have to replant year after year.

The concept of the Life Force sounds like a hippie-dippie idea and I’m sure somebody else can explain it better. But for me the Life Force is simply the energy that started life, propels life to consume, reproduce and create and inhabits and connects every living creature on the planet. It is a force that we can encourage or we can blunt. When I am sick I feel like my life force is being blunted. My choices are dramatically limited. By dabbling in plants and being able to see growth on them after I’ve reemerged from my latest battle with a small bowel obstruction or a bad pancreatitis attack gives me hope that I can still grow and persevere just like my hardy perennial plants.

I used to think that getting flowers when I was sick was a total waste of money. Now I realize why people do it. Mother Nature, the Life Force or simply the Natural World is a miraculous place that is teaming with growth, new life, and ever-increasing complexity. Flowers and plants are a way to reconnect to that energy, especially when your own Life Force is blunted by disease, injury or intense pain.  If you know someone who is sick I suggest you get them a plant that will last a long time like a “Tree Collard”, a Bamboo plant, or an orchid.

The more I can encourage the Life Force of other living beings around me the more of my Life Force I have to share. It’s not a zero sum game. The more I give the more I have to give. Even when I’m not feeling my best I still want to share my Life Force with others and to help those I love grow stronger, enjoy life more and to live a better life because of my actions and attention. Perennial plants give back what you put in and they endure over years and even decades. They are a great way to mulitply your efforts and have tasty organic food you can share with those you love for years to come.

This week I’m increasing and sharing my Life Force by tending to, watching and documenting the growth of my three new Tree Collard plants. When I’m sick and stuck in bed I feel my life force ebb away. When I don’t have an outlet for my creativity or allow creativity in by listening to or reading positive information I feel a lot worse. I am thankful I found Tree Collard plants from a random article about supplements. My Life Force needs to be shared in order for it to increase. I’m still working on this theory but even if you don’t buy into any of the hippie-dippie stuff science has proven getting your hands dirty, planting and tending the plants, eating organic produce you grow all have a very positive effect upon your health and the health of those around you.

Happy Planting

Brad Miller

If you’ve found gardening helpful in your recovery process please share your experience.

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Ten ways that help me get back to living after being extremely sick

I’ve been in and out of hospitals for close to thirty years. I’ve endured over thirty small bowel obstructions, ten severe pancreatitis attacks and over twenty surgeries. In between I’ve had to deal with many episodes where I’d been extremely sick even though I didn’t have to go to the hospital. And what occurred after each of these events is that I had to get back up. I had to claw my way back into everyday life. There isn’t much written about these dark times for people with chronic illness. What’s even talked about less is how do we get back to living. I found these ten things helpful in my recovery the last time I was sick. I’m still going through recovery and practicing most of these everyday. This time around I was sick for months due to a small bowel obstruction and two extremely severe pancreatitis attacks.

Recovery for me means getting back control over my body and mind after being nearly destroyed by the pain and fatigue of my chronic illnesses. When I’m sick I don’t feel like myself. I’m exhausted and I’m in horrific pain. So it helps to be able to do what I can to survive and then begin to thrive again. These are some things I found helpful this time around.

  1. Time Warping – The ability to jump over minutes or even hours without being aware of the passage of time and the sensations of pain and misery in the present moment.  So many people say we need to be in the moment. My question has always been, why the fuck do I want to be in the moment when I am in extreme agony? This time around I was laid up for months and I found that playing Star Craft II really helped me Time Warp. It allowed me to not think about my pain or how miserable I felt for at least 15 minutes or so at a time. Another way I like to Time Warp is by taking a bath. From drawing the bath to sitting in it, to getting out, drying off and putting on fresh clothes I can burn through 45 minutes to an hour. I also like to watch something on Netflix while I’m taking a bath, like Star Trek or Family Guy.  I also started playing around with small drones. Even when my pain was really bad I could reduce the awareness of it for those five or ten minutes I was flying the drone.  It requires full concentration to fly it. I highly recommend anyone pick one up who is sick or in pain.
  2. Exercising in small increments – As I began to feel better I started making myself pay for each game of Star Craft II I played. I wouldn’t allow myself to start a new game until I completed a push-up or some other exercise. I started out with just a single pushup between each game – which was a great struggle -and now I’m up to fifteen. I would also mix in shadow boxing or doing squats as well. Along with the push-ups I started walking five minutes at a time outside just to get the body moving. When I’m laid up I feel powerless. Moving and feeling my body getting physically stronger through strength training and walking more and more each day gives me a sense of mastery and control that is in short supply when I’m laid up and life is on hold.
  3. Listening to podcasts – The number one podcast I listen to is the Joe Rogan Experience. Joe is an amazing guy who is always upbeat, funny and has a hunger for knowledge. He has guests on that are focused on living life to the fullest and talks about living a healthy lifestyle. I also like Joey Diaz’s The Church of What’s Happening Now. This one is not for the faint of heart. But through all of the coarseness and language is some great lessons. One thing he said recently  has stuck with me and I’m adding it to my list today. It is advice he gave to his producer Lee Syatt – He told him  “Stick to something for a year. You don’t know where it will lead”. I don’t know about others with chronic illness but commitment and consistency are something I struggle with everyday.
  4. Sticking with something for a year – When I’m sick it’s hard for me to imagine even getting through another day let alone trying to imagine living another year. But this advice from Joey Diaz has helped me to focus my limited energy in a positive way. In the past I’ve started and stopped many endeavors and two business before they got up and running. Now I’m focused for the next 12 months on posting three blog entries per week. I’m also starting up a podcast this week to talk with doctors, people in the cannabis world and those who understand what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. When I’m sick I try to calculate what my return on effort will before I do something. Most of the time I don’t even start something or if I do I don’t stick with it for long,  because I’m unable to imagine a return on my energy that will be worth the misery, effort, and possible disappointment if I fail. But Joey Diaz’s advice reminds me that I can’t know what my actions today will produce in the future. The effort is not wasted if I’m doing something that I enjoy and that may be of benefit to others.
  5. Helping someone – When I’m sick I always feel like I’m a black hole of need. I suck in everything and nothing escapes. For those weeks or even months I’m relying on others for a lot. Being sick for close to 30 years now has been a huge strain on my family. They have been awesome so when I can start helping them in some small way I always feel better. One of the turning points for me this time around was when my nephew and niece came to see me. They are 5 and 4 and so full of life. I made them juice cups and small plate of food. They were very appreciative. It made me feel great. When I can help those I love it makes me feel stronger and it’s very motivating to continue improving.
  6. Opening up one piece of mail – When I’m sick and in bed the last thing I want to think about are hospital bills, insurance or some phone call I need to return. But these things add up. I will have a stack of envelopes I know I need to open  but I just let them pile up. Opening one letter and taking care of what’s inside is vital to my physical recovery. Not addressing the things necessary to continue livings adds extra emotional stress which translates into physical stress. I always feel better when I begin knocking out the bills and taking care of what I need to do, one envelope at a time.
  7. Cleaning something or picking something up –I have a tendency to allow my space to become overwhelmed with clothes papers and the mess of living when I’m sick. If I make myself pick up one thing I feel better. If I make myself take my plate and cup to the dishwasher I feel better. These little victories add up and I can see that I can still make a difference in the world even if it means just putting my clothes in the hamper. Also no matter how bad I feel I always shower and it never fails to help.
  8. Reaching out to someone – Being sick, in pain and alone is terrible. I’m fortunate to have two great brothers who are always reaching out to me. I will go weeks sometimes months without reaching out to them. Even if it’s just a simple text,  or a phone call, or commenting on an Instagram post, I feel better because I’m making the effort. One of the ways I know I’m getting better is when I ask my older brother out to lunch. We do this about three times a week when I’m in between feeling awful. So getting back into that routine is always helpful.
  9. Cooking a meal  – Cooking is a way to feed your body and your soul. It is also a creative act. When I’m ill I don’t feel very productive at all, because I’m not. Cooking something that will benefit me and my loved ones helps me to feel better. Recently I cooked Key West shrimp with butter and lemon on a sheet tray and some baked potatoes. It was almost zero prep time and not much clean up and it was extremely tasty and good for us.
  10. Getting outside – This time around has been one of the hardest of my life and I spent a lot of time inside. It’s the most time think I have spent inside since I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at the age of twelve. Being inside physically and mentally limits my ability to visualize a better future. The same walls the same stupid crap on t.v., the horrible commercials all serve to limit possibilities. By going outside and reasserting that I am a part of the greater world of nature lifts my spirits. Even if it’s ten minutes in the sun, watering some flowers,  or walking barefoot in the grass I feel physically better. My mind is quiter as well. Hearing the birds, seeing the trees sway in the wind and watching the squirrels chase each other reassure me that life persists and that I am a part of this miraculous natural world.

Entering back into the world after a horrible bout of an illness or a surgery can be scary, depressing, and physically and emotionally painful. Recovering requires physical actions as well as a positive outlook. When I am in the depths of one of these attacks or recovering from surgery my thoughts trend to the negative. It feels as if they are physically generated.  I have a mental fog that overwhelms me when I don’t feel well. The pain and fatigue and inflammation create a physical change in my brain that I can feel. Time plus postive small actions done consistently and the love and support of my family, help to turn my negative physical state which directly improves my mental state. Only by doing positive physical actions, listening to positive podcasts, and helping others can I keep the fog away and begin thinking and planning for a better future.

I’m just past through the most difficult part of my recovery process this time around. It’s the transition point from being totally consumed with pain, fatigue and overall misery to being at a point where I can begin reassessing my life, making plans and thinking about acting upon them.  After going through all this pain, paying the thousands of dollars in medical bills, and being alone for so long, I emerge to see what state my life is truly in. This his can actually be my toughest stretch because I’m still physically weak and now I have my entire life to get back into order.

I’m still ill, I hurt everyday, I live with my mom, I’m currently not working, I don’t have a girlfirend. I’m starting again from the bottom like I’ve done so many times before. It feels like I’ve gone through all this just to have a lifetime of struggle, lonliness and pain ahead of me. But as time goes on I know I’ll enjoy life a little bit more everyday. I’ll  laugh more. I’ll begin making money again. I’ll get my own place. I’ll find someone to love and who loves me. I’ll seek out new experiences and be fully engaged in life once more.

I would like to hear what helps you recover after being knocked down by illness or surgery. I’m always looking for ways to improve my recovery process.

Living better one game of Star Craft II at a time.

Brad Miller

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Pancreatitis and Psoriasis How Grapefruit Juice helped me

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“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
― Hippocrates

I hate grapefruit juice. I always have. But I drink it almost everyday now. The reason I force it down my gullet  is that it helps reduce the pain and severity of my pancreatitis attacks. When I feel my pancreas acting up which is almost daily now I start drinking grapefruit juice. There have been studies done on Grapefruit Juice extract that have shown it effective in reducing damage done during pancreatitis attack. There are also studies that show that Naringenin the main flavonoid in Grapefruit is also very anti-inflammatory.

When I drink Grapefruit Juice I immediately feel the result. I feel a “cooling” effect on the inflammation which I experience as swelling, pain and feeling sick, that is associated with the pancreatitis. The compounds in grapefruit juice are also thought to help stop the inflammatory cascade and lower cytokine production. This all leads to less inflammation and inflammation has been linked to heart disease, cancer, and for me psoriasis.

On top of having a pancreas that despises fat I’ve also had psoriasis for almost thirty years. I’ve not had a remission in my psoriasis since I first got it. It’s been a nightmare having it. I’ve tried creams and Enbrel. I had success with both but both require consistent life long applications with unknown long term side effects. I stopped using steroid creams because its impossible to put it on 75% of your body everyday and I stopped using Enbrel after I got pneumonia last year. I remember vowing to myself I would cure my psoriasis naturally about five years ago. I think I’m closer now than I’ve ever been.  I at first tried tons of different supplements but they didn’t work. The changes I’ve made recently are I’ve dropped 30 pounds, eaten a mostly primal diet, drink alkaline water and drink grapefruit juice everyday, and have seen spectacular results.

Another one of the benefits of consuming grapefruit juice is that Naringenin, the main flavonoid in the fruit, it has  been shown to help not only with easing inflammation but it also aides weight loss. I actually am trying to put on a few pounds now but in the past year I’ve dropped  thirty pounds of mostly fat over. I lost it mostly due to changing over to a mainly paleo diet.  I went hardcore at the beginning of February and lost the last ten pounds that have been plaguing me for ever. But the grapefruit juice does help keep the fat off. And keeping the fat off helps lower systemic inflammation in my  body.

Fat cells are linked to psoriasis and inflammation because they produce the hormone Leptin along with other factors. Leptin is a key hormone in the body that regulates everything from hunger to how much fat we store.  There have been studies done that show psoriasis patients have an increased level of leptin in the blood stream and many psoriasis patients are obese or overweight. I’ve gone from 172 pounds down to around 140. Almost 32 pounds of weight loss over the course of a year. Eating a standard american diet leads to leptin sensitivity which promotes inflammation and causes the body to store more fat. A study out of Taiwain speculated that in the future weight loss recommendations will be added to all psoriasis treatment protocols.

I prefer to drink organic red grapefruit juice because it also contains lycopene – white grapefruit juice doesn’t. I’ve also started adding a small pinch of himalayan sea salt to  each glass. This makes it taste better and provides additional minerals. Along with the grapefruit juice I’ve recently begun drinking Icelandic Glacial water due to its high ph of 8.5. I don’t know if it has helped with the psoriasis. Autoimmune issues and the inflammatory response are so complicated that its hard to say what is having an effect or if whether its the combination of the changes that are the key. My goal is to continue adding small steps to reduce my inflammation.

I have a lot of inflammation going on. When I was twelve I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. When I was 15 I got psoriasis extremely bad. I believe that my pancreatitis has an autoimmune cause as well. Anything that helps cool inflammation is vital to my living healthier and enjoying more of my life. Grapefruit juice is now a permanent part of my anti-inflammatory campaign.

Before trying grapefruit juice or grapefruit extract it is recommended that you talk to your physician because it can interfere with many medications.

Please leave a comment if you’ve tried grapefruit juice for pancreatitis or if you’ve lost weight and seen a decrease in the severity of your psoriasis. Also I would like to know what you think about Alkaline water.

Wishing you a healthier today and a better tomorrow
Brad Miller

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Thank you for your response. ✨

 

http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/psoriasis/news/20081215/fat-hormone-linked-psoriasis

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18503517

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16579728

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/03/130305145145.htm

 

 

Medical Freedom

When we give government the power to make medical decisions for us, we in essence accept that the state owns our bodies.”
― Ron Paul

Human health is the human experience. It is both a cause and an effect. When we feel better we do more, and when we are able to accomplish more we feel better. Illness is one the ways that affects our health but also the many restrictions, laws and the very structure of our medical cartel that runs health care in this country inflicts additional pain and suffering that is totally unnecessary.

Medical Freedom is simply human freedom expressed in the production and consumption of products and services that improve human health. Laws, government regulations, employer insurance schemes, medical licensing, the FDA and all the various other means of restricting consensual exchange between individuals for the purposing of “feeling better” and “living longer” has created a ridiculously expensive and overwhelming complex system that punishes the very people its been sold to help, sick people.

I have been in and out of hospitals for the past 28 years. I have personal experience with chronic pain, surgery and the ever encroaching hand of government in my health care decisions. I reject the need of politicians and so called experts that benefit by commoditizing my suffering. That has to stop. Whenever anyone talks of “healthcare” you should be suspicious. What is lacking in all of these debates is the term getting healthier or feeling better. We don’t talk about “hunger care” when discussing farmers growing food.

Medical laws were created in this country and were sold as a way to “protect” people like me. When in reality all it has done is to make my life more difficult when merely living is extremely difficult. One example is the management of chronic pain. Reporters and politicians, police officers, district attorneys and others involved in the addiction, prison or pharma industry are in the news all the time talking about the scourge of opioid use. I have taken literally thousands of pain pills in my life and I continue to take them because I hurt a lot. I am eternally grateful for opioid pain pills. If they didn’t exist I would have killed myself when I was 12 or I would have died due to shock to all the pain caused by the bowel obstructions and most recently the horrific pain of pancreatitis.

Pain pills or pain medicine are derived from the poppy plant. It is simply a plant that miraculously creates a substance that provides pain relief. It is truly remarkable. I should be able to grow poppies in my garden and make poppy tea which humans have been doing for thousands of years. But instead I need a permission slip from a government licensed health consultant (doctor) and go to a pharmacy that has the pills on the shelf locked up behind a counter. Not only do I have to get the permission slip I now have to deal with state law on top of federal law in concert with restrictions by the insurance company. And on top of all this my personal information is now in a government database. I never consented to have my information accessed by the government for my “protection”. This is a clear violation of the 4th amendment.

What madness is this? It all boils down to the fundamentals of human freedom. The question every person, especially those who are chronically sick need to ask themselves: do you own your own body and your mind? Our system, the government, the big pharma companies, the DEA, the FDA, the police, and the licensing boards all believe you do not. It is set up to usurp your self-ownership and farm it out to your doctor, your pharmacy, drug companies and the alphabet soup of government divisions.

I believe that I own my body and my mind and that I have an inherit right to ingest whatever substances I choose to in order to feel better and live longer. I will not be right all the time. Life is inherently dangerous and I will always have limited knowledge when making choices. This also applies to the so called experts as well. Science is open ended. The current medical system is set up to convince you that they have all the answers and they are omnipotent when it comes to which drugs which are good and which are “bad”.

The entire prescription / pharmaceutical / FDA / DEA /Medical college system  is a cartel set up to allow the sale of dangerous drugs which would never be allowed if the FDA didn’t rubber-stamp them. If we didn’t have an FDA then companies would be totally at the mercy of internet reviews, independent analysis of their drugs and would be liable for killing people just like anyone else who sells a dangerous product.

Right now their liability is limited. They get the FDA rubber stamp and this allows them to rake in huge profits until the dangerous side effects begin killing and injuring people. By the time the lawsuits roll in they have already made a hundred times what it will cost them  to settle the lawsuits. And drugs like Cannabis, MDMA, psilocybin, and DMT are illegal even though they have been show to be extremely safe and more beneficial then what they are peddling.

Medical Freedom isn’t something we talk about because the debate is always about access to “healthcare”. When is the last time you heard a politician talk about individuals becoming healthier? They don’t. They simply want more and more people in the healthcare system. The same government that designs the road system, the tax system, the public education system and the wars across the world are the same people designing and implementing our “healthcare system”.

Why is it that the more government fails the more people want from it? The food pyramid debacle is the perfect example of what the true priorities are for the government and its corporate partners. Many experts now blame the food pyramid and the low fat scam as part of the massive rise in diabetes and metabolic syndrome.

Food is a massive part of living a healthy life and the government purposely funded studies and supported research that showed sugar was good and that we should all be eating tons of wheat, corn and soy. And you know who receives massive subsidies from the government? You would be right if you said soy, corn, wheat and sugar producers.

Medical Freedom is the concept that you have the right to make choices devoid of corrupt government and corporate entities who want to treat sick people like a commodity. Medical Freedom simply means exercising your sovereignty over your body and your mind. Prescription Drugs should all be legalized as well as so called illegal drugs. Pharmaceutical companies will have to survive the legal challenges and the public review process along with the private entities that will emerge to test the validity of their claims.

I believe that once the FDA is stripped of their power of appointing which pharmaceutical company will reap billions of dollars in profits, the focus will turn from treating “diseases” and the chronically ill as a commodity to treating the chronically ill as human beings and treating the whole individual.

It is time to reclaim our right to go into a store and buy what we choose without the government, academics, people in white coats or who have a badge on their chest deem necessary. In a world in which Medical Freedom is respected we would still seek out health consultants and follow treatment recommendations. But the parent/child paradigm between the government and the ill would end. The consumer would be the one in control and have the ultimate say. And if you didn’t want to have a health consultant you would be free to follow a treatment program you see fit.

We’ve been lied to about Cannabis as a medicine by the government. The NIH actually holds two patents on cannabinoids that they list as effective for treating over ten different diseases and symptoms. The idea that the DEA who is financially incentivized to keep Cannabis a schedule 1 drug is criminal. The time to reassert our right to Medical Freedom as a natural expression of our innate rights due to our self-ownership as a human individual.

I’m struggling now with idiopathic pancreatitis. I’ve had this pain for decades but it went undiagnosed until the last few years. They are not sure why I have it or what we can do to prevent it from destroying my pancreas. I’m exploring having stem cell therapy to reverse the disease process. I should have the right to try what a majority of doctors might seem as dangerous or unproductive if I deem it to be a worthwhile risk.

Every decision we make is personal. When we are sick we don’t need the force of government involved to limit what are choices are in finding what we believe will be the most effective treatment for us to feel better and live longer. It doesn’t matter whether its vaporizing Cannabis, ignoring the food pyramid or trying experimental treatments that are now are considered dangerous or foolish but in the future could very well become the standard for care.

When you are sick you do not need artificial laws limiting your choices and limiting your access to natural, safe and effective plants and chemicals that have a chance to help individuals feeling better and living a longer life. Pain, inflammation and disease are terrible and life altering. I want every politician to know, every drug maker, and every one who seeks to commoditize my suffering that I am a human being who owns himself and I demand my Medical Freedom! I call all of those who are suffering with chronic illness to do the same.

Brad Miller

 

 

 

 

 

Why another blog about health?

This blog is my way of keeping myself accountable. I’ve been chronically ill and in pain for 28 years. I’m turning 40 in August and I’m not happy with where I’m at in life.

The myriad of health issues I am currently struggling with have so many different variables I often give up trying to take even the smallest steps to become healthier.

I don’t believe healthy is a state of being. We can only become healthier. That’s another reason I’m writing this blog. The term “healthy” or “sick” are outdated.

This blog is about my path to become healthier. Nothing else matters. I’m currently not working, had two businesses fail due to my lack of follow through and I’ve not been on a date in over five years. Oh, by the way I’m currently living with my mom.

Too often the thought of a lifetime or even a day full of pain keeps me from making healthier choices.  The pain and inflammation distorts thoughts, makes planning almost impossible and makes hope seem like a concept as rare as a unicorn or an honest politician.

This blog is my way of focusing not even on today but on the next small step I can take to become healthier. I hope people find what I write helpful and I would like to invite those struggling with chronic illness to comment and ask questions.

I’m not a doctor. I’m a man who is on a mission to take simple steps each day to become a little healthier. Healthier to me means a clear mind, a body at peace, a desire to socialzie, and motivation to move.

I was diagnosed when I was 12 with ulcerative colitis after over a year of getting more and more sick. Had an operation that didn’t go well and have been living in chronic pain ever since. I’ve been in and out of hospitals, had a bunch of surgeries, have moderate psoriasis and chronic pancreatitis.

This is my journey. To be honest I’m scared I won’t stick with it like everything else I’ve ever tried. But this time I feel like if I don’t, I won’t be long for this world.

Please comment and offer suggestions. I hate criticism but I want to improve my ability to communicate with others. I’ll try to be as honest as I can in the next few months. I’ve got a trip planned for Denver soon and I’ll be writing extensively about that.

Until next time I will be focused on taking the smallest steps possible to be a little healthier today. I hope you do as well.

Brad